A Rule for Marriage, part 2: On Types and Roots

As the blessed John Cassian relates, the Fathers of the desert taught that every art and science, really anything worthy of being a lifetime commitment, has its own proper aim and mark.  For any Christian our aim should always be unity with God, which is living in heaven, and, as I noted previously the mark by which we can judge our thoughts and deeds is the perfection of love to which our Lord calls us.  But what of marriage?  It is clear that Christians need not marry, but it is also true that marriage is an honorable way of life and that our Lord commanded that what God has joined together in marriage we ought never to separate.  From these facts and from the prevalence of marriage throughout the world (although the customs of marriage vary widely) it is clear that marriage itself is, like the work of a farmer, merchant, or soldier, a human vocation, not a uniquely Christian vocation.  For this reason we can distinguish several types of marriage based upon the aim and the mark that guides each couple.  The first, and most prevalent in this part of the world, is passionate marriage, which has no guiding mark, but is founded on the weakest sort of love, passionate or romantic love.  However, at least this sort is based upon love, even if it is a profoundly inadequate sort, since a weak and passing love may grow into a stronger and more beautiful love given time and a sheltered environment.  A second kind of marriage aims at child-rearing, the propitiation of one's family name, and the accumulation of wealth and power down the generations.  Although this terrible kind of marriage can be selfless at its best, its foundation is realistic in a profoundly worldly sense and somewhat inimical to fulfilling the obligations of a Christian.  A third kind of marriage is based upon the desire for a worldly ideal, such as the one characterized as having two and a half children with a dog in a middle class suburb.  This horrible kind of marriage, lacking both the regard for another that passion brings and the realism of those who pursue wealth and power, has almost nothing to commend it.  Fortunately, it has been dying out as marriage is less and less demanded of those who would be part of polite society.  Finally, a very few may marry out of obedience to the apostolic advice that it is better to marry than to burn.  Although this is the only sort of marriage that has been explicitly endorsed for those who would commit themselves to God in Christ Jesus, it is also one of the hardest kinds of
marriage since it gives so little to our sinful desires and the powerful passions that can seemingly carry us almost up to heaven or smash us into the depths of hell.  For this reason in this weak and sinful era only those who have been trained to love for many years should consider marrying only to provide an outlet for the desires of the flesh.

Of course we are all sinners and weak, and few come to marriage for only one reason.  However, as perfect love is the mark towards which all Christians should aim, this Rule seeks to provide assistance to those who have been guided by passionate love so that that weak and earthly flower may be nurtured into a heavenly bloom whose fragrance spreads far beyond the bonds of marriage to everyone either spouse may meet.